


Rumination of the Past

by Kaszz_216



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Comfort, Dom/sub, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Human Experimentation, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Recovery, Sort Of, mentally unstable Billy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-02-08 08:02:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12860283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaszz_216/pseuds/Kaszz_216
Summary: Billy had more issues than anyone expected. Frank learns of what happened when he left Cerberus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So Billy just hurt so pretty I had to keep it going. Not really sorry. Basically, we’re pretending things went down a bit differently lol
> 
> More to come soon.

~~~~Frank wasn’t sure what happened. One second he was trying his damnedest to stay alive fighting Russo, the next Russo was kneeling on the ground with his face tilted up, looking at Frank with the most vulnerable expression he’d ever seen on the man. He looked furious, but at the same time trying to hide his fear as his whole body trembled. Every few seconds his eyes would shoot to the ground a few yards from Franks feet, towards a small remote. It was a small thing, black, a few buttons spread evenly across its surface, a red light dimly flashing on one end. Frank had almost forgotten it, having picked it up off of Rawlins after it fell from one of his pockets when he hit the ground. Frank didn’t give it any thought.

“The fuck is this, Billy? Get up we finish this now.” To this, Billy seemed torn. His body was slowly bringing itself up, tremors slowing him down. Frank watched as he pulled his lips into a snarl, yet no sounds emitted from his mouth. Slowly, Frank noticed his eyes brimming with tears, his body shaking harder than before. His eyes kept returning to the remote as he began gasping, gripping the side of his neck while his body slowly curled in on itself. Frank relented, reaching to grab the remote, keeping his eyes on Billy the entire time. Only once he held the device in his hand did he look towards it. The buttons were different colors. Frank pressed the red button, and the flashing stopped. Frank heard Billy gasp in relief. When he looked at him, Billy was barely holding himself up on his hands and knees, tears slowly hitting the ground. Still lightly shaking, Billy looked up at Frank, a crazed look in his eyes, bordering on hysteria.

“Come on-n Frankie b-boy, let’s no-ot play dirty here.” His voice as wavering, sounding as desperate as his broken smile looked. “J-just put tha-“ Billy’s voice broke off in a strangled groan, his face crumpling as his tears began anew. His body writhed, attempting to curl in on itself and crawl to safety at the same time.

Frank watched Billy briefly, looking back towards the remote, now flashing green after pressing the green button, which seemed slightly more worn than the rest. His focus is brought back to Billy as he lets out a pitiful stream of whimpers. Frank blinks in confusion at the look of utter horror and betrayal painting Billy’s face.

“F-Frank… no, ple-ease. Not you too.” His voice sounded defeated, before his eyes fluttered closed as a moan slipped past his lips. Frank noticed his hips twitch. He crouched in front of the probe figure, gripping his hair in an iron grip, looking him in the eyes as he pressed the green button again. In seconds, Billy’s face twisted in anger, a growl emitting from his lips as he tried to lunge at Frank, but failing to get past franks hold.

“Frank you piece of shit, give me the fucking remote. I will not be your damn slave.” His voice raised with each word, dripping with venom as they passed through bared teeth. Billy’s hands scrambled to grip Franks wrist, tried to pry himself free. His legs however felt like jelly, failing to put any strength behind their movements. He let out a frustrated yell, feebly continuing to dislodge Franks hand or grab the remote from his outstretched arm.

“Billy, I’m gonna give you ten seconds to explain before I start pressing buttons.” Billy halted at Franks words, meeting his curious gaze with one of fury. He lets out one more angry snarl before speaking.

“Do you think Rawlins shit ended when you left? There were still some of us left.” His tone bitter, only getting frank more interested in his words. “Yeah, he ended Cerberus, you scared the shit out of him Frankie.” The hysteric look returned as he continued. “He figured the rest of us would jump ship after you, so he made sure we couldn’t. We were rucking lab rats Frank!”  
Franks curiosity wasn’t sated though. He tugged Russo’s hair harder to the side, taking mild pleasure at the pained grunt Billy released. “And?” He could see the fury in Billy’s eyes as he watched his face twitch between fear and anger.

“I don’t fucking know. I don’t know where everyone else is… let alone if they’re even alive.” He paused watching Franks reaction. Seeing his impassive expression, his face dropped. “Frankie… please… just fucking kill me. I’m not going to be a pet anymo-“ a cry breaks his words off. He realized it was him screaming. His body was in agony. He knew. He knew Frank hit the blue button. He almost hated the blue more than the green. As suddenly as it started, the pain ended. He struggled to continue breathing, his muscles were almost non functional, the stress wearing him down.

“I’m waiting, pretty boy.” Frank noted the way Billy flinched before glaring at him.

“Fuck you Fra-“ Billys mouth clamped shut at the wave of please that hit him full force. Fucking green button. He struggled to keep his moans down before giving in. “Please… ahh… t-turn it of-ff I’ll talk… please Frank.” He pleaded, hoping Frank would listen, not do what Rawlins would do. His body sagged as he sighed in relief. He tried to relax his body, as well as he could with Frank holding him up by his fucking hair.

Franks eyes were met with resignation. He’d never seen Billy so broken. After what he’d done, he was enjoying the look on his battered face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So now we see a bit of what happened when frank had left. MENTIONS AND MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE IN THIS CHAPTER. it’s a paragraph in italicss, it can be skipped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry? No, I’m not lol enjoy I guess

Of all the shit Billy had expected once Frank left, this was not it. He expected harsher training, Rawlins maybe showing more aggression to reassert his dominance. The remaining team members never expected I be forcefully removed from their beds in the dead of night.

They were supposed to be off. After the last mission for Cerberus, they were told they had a week to relax, they had done great things they needed to be rewarded. Everyone was suspicious at first, the “Frank incident” fresh on their minds. The first three days were tense, they were brought to a new camp, out of their element. It was nice. Hot showers, actual space to not be cramped in on each other. By day four, everyone had begun to let their guard down, they got comfortable. They had gotten too comfortable, the attack they had expected not coming. They had managed to finally tire themselves out, emptying every beer can they could get their hands on, laughing, trying to act like they weren’t horrible people. That they were just normal friends, on some kind of vacation. Once they had all collapsed into their respective beds, it went to shit.

Billy had always been a light sleeper. He’d never been in a place that was truly his, always being shuffled from one “home” to the next. He started awake at the creak of the floor, reaching under his pillow for a knife hat was no longer there. That split second of confusion gave his assailants the opportunity to move in. He twisted out of the grip of the man grabbing the back of his neck, only to be grabbed full body by a second man, much larger than his own slim frame. He snared as he bucked and twisted to break free, only for the first man to pull his head to the side and ran astringent into the join of this shoulder and neck. “Who the fuck…” he felt the world tilt on its axis as his vision started to cloud. He thinks he hears one of them speak: “They were right though, he is pretty.”

It was a dream that woke him. No, a memory. _He was so much smaller. He couldn’t get the man off. He thought he could be fast and hit and run past him but Billy was wrong. Now he was pinned face down on some shitty desk in a shittier group home with the man he thought to be family. His pants had long been removed, the man painfully shoving his fingers in and out of his immature body. His eyes burned with shame, but he couldn’t even scream for help, his own shirt stuffed into gag his mouth. He hears himself whimper when the fingers are removed. “Come one now, pretty boy, it’s just getting started…” he screamed as the man forced himself inside him._

Billy woke with a shout, a layer or sweat covering his whole person. It took a minute or two of trying to regulate his breathing to notice he was in a chair. Tied to a chair. He turned his head to try and take in his surroundings only to find the world spin around him. He snaps his eyes shut with a groan.

“Well, looks like we’re finally up. Sweet dreams there, Billy?” He knew that voice, hated it by now.

“The fuck is this sir?” he barely grit the words out over the pounding in his head. “Some new training exercise? Haven’t heard of being tricked with vacation before, kind of a low blow don’t you think?” He tried to put on his usual cocky smirk, but it faltered when he saw Rawlins was sitting in a chair at the other end of the room, perched behind a flimsy desk, papers covering the surface. The fuck…

“You know, son, we’ve been thinking. The… incident… with Frank was very unfortunate. For everyone.” Billy’ stomach dropped as Rawlins voice grew colder with each word. “We just don’t want to lose anymore valuable assets, you see?” He looked at Billy like he was reprimanding a toddler. Billy hated it. As he stood, Billy lost it.

“So what, gonna off he rest of us before we have he chance?” He spat near Rawlins feet. “We should have never signed up for this bullshit, stayed where we were. You-“ his words are silenced by a sharp hit to his cheek. His head once again became a muddled mess, whatever sedative they gave him keeping him from surfacing completely. With his eyes clenched, he merely felt Rawlins grip his jaw and force his face towards him. He bit back a pained noise as his head continued to spin. It was when he felt fingers run through his hair that he tried to truly shake free of the haze clouding his mind.  
“The fuck man. Don’t-“ when his eyes opened he stopped speaking. He saw two other men had entered the room while he was disoriented. Bringing with them a medium sized box and mirror, about a square foot.

“Look at me Billy.” He reluctantly looked towards Rawlins. “Looking at your records, your old records, we found some interesting things. You really did look like a sweet kid, didn’t you?” Rawlins snapped his fingers, one of the men brought him a photograph. “Ah, yes. So young, but I guess that innocence attracted the wrong people, didn’t it?” Billy’s face paled when Rawlins showed him the picture. It was him, at the age of twelve, at the hospital. After he was finally found to be in an “unsuitable environment.” He startled as Rawlins moved behind him, the man with the mirror moving forward with a revolting smile Billy wanted to scrape off his face. “We got a bit curious, my peers and I, if you still held that same air, even after everything.” His hand wrapped around Billy’s neck, slowly inching his face to look into the mirror, seeing a different picture of himself, bruised and crying as a child at the hospital, taped to the side. “Well would you look at that.” Rawlins sounded amused. Billy could hear the other men snicker. Finally looking in the mirror, he paused.

What the fuck. His beard was gone, hair washed as well. A new bruise forming on his cheek from Rawlins earlier strike. He hated his face. The beard helped make him look less like a helpless child, but now that barrier was gone.  
“The _hell_ , man. This is fucked up, what the he-“ He stopped speaking when it hit him. He looked at the picture, then at himself. He barked out a laugh. “What? You think you can hurt my feelings or something? Is this some new psych eval? Bring up childhood trauma and see when we snap?”

“Of a sort, Russo.” Rawlins trailed his hands down his neck, slowly moving down his chest. “We need to know how to keep you loyal. We thought we had Frank, but here we are. Now, Billy, who do you take orders from?” He flinched as the hands paused on the neckline of his shirt. When he glanced at Rawlins bored expression in the mirror, Billy saw red.

“ _Fuck you_.” He saw his good eye twitch. “Should have let Frank beat you to death in that fucking tent.” He smirked as he felt the hands on his shoulders tense. His confidence wavered when one hand shot to his jaw, wrenching his head up. “The fuck-“

He heard the men laugh as he tried to struggle free, hands desperately pulling at ties that wouldn’t budge. Suddenly, he felt something attach around his neck, almost tightly. Rawlins immediately released his head, pulling the chair from the desk in front of Lily’s seated form. The man with the mirror had set it down, instead rummaging through the box, the other man looking smug in the corner. When Rawlins was seated, Billy spat in his face. His blood turned cold at the smile he got from Rawlins.

“Remote. Now.” He held his hand out, and the man with the box placed a small remote in it. It was small, black, one red button in the center with a dial on the side. “I can’t exactly say I’m disappointed, Russo. I’ll give you another shot for today’s lesson. This one will be easy. You’re my attack dog. I own you. When I tell you to jump, you say how high.” Billy was furious.

“I’ll see you in hell, _sir_.” What he though would be a minor victory, was in fact a worse loss than he could have expected. Rawlins smirked, swiveling the dial and hitting the red button. Billy saw stars. He hadn’t felt anything like this is years. Electricity coursing through his body, mouth trying to form words, a groan escaped. Then it stopped. He sagged in his holds, gasping, trembling. He could feel wetness gathering at his eyes as he struggled to breath.

“Well, Russo, we are off to a rough start, but we’ll get there.” He stepped forward yanking Billy’s head up by his hair, patting his bruised cheek. “For future reference, when I ask what you are, you’re my fucking dog.” He glances at the other men in the room. “Gentlemen, have your fun. Don’t damage the face though, it is truly pretty.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is pretty graphic... so... yeah don’t read this if you don’t like that

Billy wasn’t sure how long it had been. A month or so, maybe more. Things kept getting stranger as time passed. Sure, maybe he shouldn’t have been so hardheaded, but he didn’t truly regret taunting his captors. He was honestly bitter about them having driven Frank out. He was really his only friend, now he was alone. Things started off strong. By day one he had been raped and beaten. Then it immediately slowed, and the solitary began. They would alternate. He wasn’t able to track time, but it felt like they would leave him in the dark for days in cold silence. Then the lights would be blindingly on, with unbelievable noise and heat joining them. Sometimes, he would have moments of calm, where the temperature was comfortable, the lights dim, still enough light to see, but silent. Try as he might to sleep, the closer he got to it, the more the collar was used. He was loosing it. They’ve fed him as little as possible. He hasn’t slept for… he doesn’t even know how long. Finally, his body gave out, he had been running on empty too long.

He had brief bouts of consciousness. His eyes first opened blearily to warmth, hands touching his face and body, he smelled… _clean,_ felt comfortable. He lasted mere seconds before he felt a light prick at his neck. The next time, he’s forced into consciousness by blinding pain. He tries to scream, but noise just barely makes it past the gag forced in his mouth. He tried to move, but he’s strapped down. Head to toe, he couldn’t move, latched face down to a freezing metal slab. He could feel something happening in his neck. He was panicking in a way he hasn’t since he was a child. He could _hear_ the tools inside his neck moving, could feel every slight movement, pure white hot pain. His body could do nothing but twitch in its restraints.

“Oh look, sleeping beauty is up.” The voice he hears sounds seconds away from laughing. “Someone… you, put him down again when you can.” Billy let out a whimper. He could barely hear himself over the ringing in his ears. “Aw, listen to him. Glad they cleaned him up before we got him…” the words began to fade and Billy couldn’t have been more thankful as the pain dulled.

The next time he wakes, he’s on his back. His head feels like cotton and his limbs felt like lead. He managed to lift his hands to his neck to be met with bandages. He lets out a groan as he puts pressure onto the juncture of his left shoulder and neck.

“Well, look who finally decided to join us.” Billy’s stomach dropped, he almost screamed in frustration. He slowly looked over to see Rawlins, standing next to three other people. The two men looked concerned, while the women looked bored. “As you can see, we were able to implant the chip this time with no rejection. It’s been 48 hours and he’s healing, no infection, no fever.” Billy finches when he steps up beside him. He tried to look angry when he meets Rawlins amused eyes, but he’s sure he looked nothing but harmless. He lets out a groan when his head is turned and the bandage on his neck torn off. “He gets another day or two to… adjust post surgery, and then we begin testing.” He could hear murmurs from the others.

“What’s the point of this, again? We’ve spent a good deal on this so far, this is subject five, if he doesn’t make it this experiment will be shit down.” The Women sounds aggravated. “I feel as though if we can’t control our own soldiers, it’s a problem with leadership, not with the pawn-“

“Let’s not say things we will regret. The point of this, is to see how far our control can reach. Can these soldiers be made to do the unthinkable tasks. If we have soldiers who feel no pain, listen and follow every detail of the parameters given to them, we have the perfect soldiers. This is going to be how we find out if we can truly have a man do something that goes against all instincts, something his trepidation would keep him from. We seem to have a… history of non compliance among some of our best, we need to keep them compliant. By the end of this, they will know their place.” Billy can feel dread building in his gut. He hears the others speaking softly to each other, before the woman lets out a huff.

“Okay, let’s see where this goes. If I don’t have results soon, expect to see me again.”

“Oh, we should have some good results very soon, won’t we, Billy?” Billy startles at his name, meeting the eyes of a very smug Rawlins over him. Once he hears the door to the room close behind the three retreating figures, he tries to speak. “Shh… lets get you good and healthy, the fun is only just beginning.” With that, the man clicks a few dials on his IV, and Billy found himself falling into unconsciousness again.

 

The next thing he knows, a hand is shaking his shoulder, pulling him from his slumber. When he lifts his head, he has to stop, the throbbing pain overwhelming. It was a backhand to the cheek that got his attention. He was in a chair, hands behind the back in a zip tie that was uncomfortably tight.

“Come on now, you’ve rested enough.” He lets out a confused cry as his jaw is gripped, his head positioned up and forward. In front of him, there are two men. Billy wouldn’t usually be intimidated, but he’s smart enough to know when his body isn’t up to the challenge, when he should go along. “Alright now, Billy, lets catch you up.” His hand that was not holding Billy’s jaw gently touched the side of his neck. “This, is something we’re trying out. We know what you hate. What you fear. This little guy, is going to help you face those fears.” Billy could feel his teeth grind as he worked to keep a snide remark in. “Now, if memory serves me right, the last time I had you with me in this room, with those men, you were pretty reluctant. So, our lesson for today, is that your body is not yours, it’s mine.” As he snapped his fingers, the two men came forward, looking pleased. “You remember them, correct? They certainly remember you, pretty boy.” Billy tensed, making Rawlins laugh. “Well there we have it. Now Billy, today, you are going to be fucked by one or maybe both, of these gentlemen. You won’t fight back, in fact, I want you to enjoy it.” As he finished speaking, he cut the ties on Billy’s wrists. Panic taking over, Billy lunged for the first man with a growl. He managed to get one hand on a throat before a blinding pain encompassed his body. As he fell to the ground, muscles only getting tighter with the pain, he heard all three laugh. One crouched in front of his shuddering form. It was Rawlins. “We can’t be failing already, pretty boy.” He didn’t bother hiding the amusement in his voice as he held up a small black box. It was a remote, with multiple colored buttons on it. When he pressed one of the buttons, the pain stopped. “You may begin.”

Billy was still trying to gather himself from the floor when the two men each grabbed an arm, hauling him up onto the desk he remembered being covered in papers before. He let out a loud groan when his chest made contact with its surface. He could hear the men snickering, but his mind was still muddled from his _procedure_. He saw Rawlins seated, calmly, on the opposite side of the desk. He wanted to speak, but was startled by the feeling of a knife slicing the seam of his pants, before they were thrown to the floor. He was getting frantic, trying to kick out or free his arms. This was brought to a halt when a jolt shot from his neck to the rest of his body. The two holding him down laughed. He looked forward, to the remote being held loosely, and Rawlins watching with a raised brow. He let out a gasp when he felt one of the men grope him from behind, memories flooding his brain. He began struggling again.

“Fuck yo-“ He was silenced with another jolt, slightly longer this time. He tensed when he felt one of the men stand behind him, hearing a belt buckle being undone. He let out a frustrated noise, panic elevating when he felt fingers pulling his cheeks apart. He could feel himself begin to tremble. He resigned himself for the worst, preparing to be silent, not to give them what they seemed to want. They meant nothing. This meant nothing. He would just clock out for a bit, how hard could it be when he’s still lightly sedated. He grit his teeth when the first slick finger pressed for entrance, the men jeering behind him, one running his fingers through his hair, almost kindly. Billy wanted to vomit.

“Come on pretty boy, let me hear you.” He was about to risk a snide remark, before the man behind him forced himself in in one go. A choked off groan left his mouth as the man groped him teasingly. It hurt. He forgot how much it hurt. It was a small mercy that the man bothered using lube, but it only helped so much. When the man began thrusting it took all his willpower to stay quiet, to stay on what semblance of a plan he had. “This is how that guy fucked you, right? In your orphanage?” He laughed when he noticed Billy pause at the comment, trying to push himself up from the desk, before the second man forced him back down. “So, what, did he come to you?” _How can he talk so casually while he’s fucking_ raping _me_. “No, I bet it was you. You went to him, you begged him, didn’t you?” Billy knew they were trying to get a rise out of him, but he couldn’t help it, he snapped.

“ _No_.” He let out a whimper when the man thrusted particularly hard. Hands scrabbling for purchase on the flat surface of the desk. He wanted to get out, to run, but one man had an iron grip on his hips with his dick in his ass while the other had his face shoved into the desk with a bruising grip on the back of his neck. Everything hurt, his neck was throbbing, the incision pulling uncomfortably with a deep ache underneath it, his body was in agony, every muscle tensed. He couldn’t help the flashes of his memories strobing under his eyelids, the soft whines of panic.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You loved every minute of it, didn’t you?” Billy’s breath was coming fast, he needed to calm down. He jerked when he felt the man behind him slap the other mans hand off his neck. He tried to move his face from the oncoming touch, but a brutal thrust and shove on his back kept him where he was. “I bet you were popular, huh? You were fucking cute in those pictures, looked so soft. Still feel soft though, almost like you’re still just the pretty kid being fucked by anyone who feels like it.” He gripped Billys cheek, stroking his thumb along his jaw. Billy didn’t even realize he was crying until the man wiped a tear away and laughed before continuing at an even more intense pace. He didn’t know how much longer he could handle this. Beatings were one thing but this _hurt_.”You got off right?” He stopped moving, looking at Billy expectantly, while Billy looked back at him in horror, blood running cold.

“This is fucked up, _fuck you_ -“ his words were cut off when fingers entered his mouth, playing with his tongue.

“Not what he asked you, pretty boy.” It was the second man, leaning over the desk to look at his fingers in Billy’s mouth. “You got off, when that old fucker did you. Right?” He smirked when Billy tried to shake his head, a panicked noise leaving his mouth past the mans fingers. “But you like this. You like us doing this to you.” Billy looked at him with wide, wet eyes, still trying to shake his head no. The man looked at Rawlins and nodded, smiling.

It was one of the worst moments of Billy’s life. All the shit he went through, nothing left him feeling as disgusting as the moment his dick started to harden, a moan leaving his mouth, while he was being raped, being watched by his superior.

He could hear the men laughing, and his body tried to curl in on itself, shield itself from the torment. Every few seconds, a pulse of pleasure would shoot through his body. He felt an odd tingling in his neck under his incision. The realization that it wasn’t really his own arousal didn’t help. He felt disgusting. He yelled as the man removed his fingers from his mouth to grip his now fully erect cock, squeezing.

“No? But, what’s this then, pretty boy? Feels like you’re liking it to me.” He smiled cruelly down at the frozen figure below him, snickering when Billy let out a choked cry. He slowly pumped him while the man behind him picked up his pace. He bit back a whine at the feeling of the man coming inside him. The man slapped his ass before zipping himself up, leaving Billy sagging breathlessly on the desk. He tried telling himself it was just a nightmare, he would wake up soon. He was shaken from that though and let out a sharp cry when the second man entered him roughly, not even bothering with lube, just the remnants from the first man and his cum. It was painful, but even through the pain he felt the pulses of pleasure. He could feel a sob building. This wasn’t happening. He hated this. The man was wrong, he didn’t want this, he didn’t ask for it then _or_ now. He will kill him when he’s done. Watch the life drain from his eyes slowly. He was broken out of this thoughts by the man groaning behind him, grinding in as far as he could before proceeding to fuck him at a harder pace than the first. Billy couldn’t help the cries that left his mouth, and the whimpers that kept following them. He was in pain, but he could feel himself nearing climax. The pleasure kept coming, his neck tingling uncomfortably. “You know, I bet I can make you come just like this, huh? With nothing but my dick up your tight little ass.” He laughed as he kept up his pace. Billy could feel a sob coming. Christ, he hasn’t cried since he was a fucking teenager. Suddenly, the pleasure intensified, a loud moan leaving his mouth, his eyes rolling back in his head. Then, again, and he saw stars. He would never admit to the scream that left him when he released, that his toes were curled while his hips stuttered. By the time he came down from his orgasm, the man behind him he finished, was back in his pants, laughing. He froze when reality hit him. Now he was crying, silent tears hitting the desk beneath him, gathering near the cheek that was still leaning on it. He let out a pained yelp when he felt fingers roughly enter him, thrust in and then drag out, catching on his abused rim. He whined when the fingers pushed into his mouth, a sob escaping around the taste of the other mens release and what he assumed to be his own blood. “ _That’s what I thought_.” The man whipped his fingers off on the remains of Billy’s pants, before leaving with a satisfied smile. Another sob tore its way from his mouth as he slid off the desk, collapsing to the ground in a shivering mess. He only remembered the presence of Rawlins when he stood, the chair scraping against the floor behind him. Billy jumped, trying to distance himself from the man who caused this. He backed himself into a corner, when Rawlins knelt before him. A hand gently gripped his chin, forcing his gaze up. He wanted to spit in Rawlins face, but thoughts of a repeat of today made him hesitate.

“See, Russo? Whatever I want. You will do it. Are we clear?” He looked pleased with himself at the soft cry that left the trembling man under him. He gripped his jaw tightly, pulling him forward roughly. “I asked you a question, pretty boy.” Billy let out another whimper before closing his eyes and nodding. He was pushed back to the wall, Rawlins fingers digging into the wound still healing on his neck. “ _Say it_.”

“Y-yes, sir.” It was seeing the satisfied smirk above him that had Billy finally admit that he wished he had left with Frank, gone home to happy kids and a loving atmosphere. Yet here he was, sobbing on the floor of a dim room after being raped on his superiors orders. After having been made into a fucking chipped dog.

 

 

After that, things went better for Billy. They gave him a day to recover before being sent out. He went everywhere with Rawlins, all instructions given directly from him. He would always try his hardest to do  _exactly_ as he was told. The times he came back having not done precisely as he was instructed, the men came back. He came to learn to hate when people called him pretty even more than before. Whenever the term was used, nothing good ever came after.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys! Input time! Do we want Frank to be an evil asshole, or a reluctantly decent guy? I can’t decide which way I want to take this so lemme know what y’all are feeling!

Frank couldn’t definitively tell you why he took Billy with him. Maybe he was getting bored after killing who he came for, maybe it was nostalgia wanting to keep Billy around, or possibly, he wanted company in the house David he managed to get him in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Either way, he had a livid, bleeding Billy Russo tied up at his dinner table. They’ve been sitting in heavy silence for what felt like, and most likely was, hours. Billy looked like he would murder Frank the first chance he got, Frank looked mildly amused, loosely holding the remote in his hand. Honestly, he thought it was hilarious. Sure, the orders to kill him and his family could have been given when Billy was being monitored and controlled with what seemed to be an elaborate shock collar, but that didn’t change the fact it happened. Didn’t change the fact that Frank was furious. It definitely didn’t stop Frank from keeping note of what each button did on the remote or keep his fingers from itching to use it. So, Frank just looked. Saw the bags under Billy’s eyes, the way he curled towards his left arm, that Frank dislocated on he way over. Smiled to himself.

“You... uh, want me to fix that shoulder there, Russo?” The words snapped Billy out of the trance he seemed to have fallen into. He looked Frank in the eye, trying to see if he could find something hiding behind the words. Yes, he once trusted Frank with his life, but now he trusted him about as far as he could throw him, which at the moment was not far. He saw the amusement dance in Franks eyes as he fiddled with the remote in his fingers. Saw the shit eating grin plastered on his face. Couldn’t help but remember the good times with Frank.

“Don’t fucking touch me Frank.” He struggled to keep his voice even. He could feel his throat tighten as he fought the emotions bubbling their way up. He really did truly miss Frank. He was devastated when he got the orders for his family, they were as close as he would ever get to having one, he wanted to keep that comfort as long as he could. Truth be told, he had wanted to see them. There was some odd fantasy in his mind from when he found himself huddled in the corner of that room, that he would see Frank again, and he would manage to fix it. That, somehow, Frank would make everything better. He almost wants to laugh about it, but that small thought was all that had kept him going for a long time. Now here he was, with Frank. At this point he didn’t know if he wanted to kill him for making this last mission harder, kill him because he had the remote, kill him because he used the remote, kill him for shattering to last semblance of optimism he had left in his miserable existence. Billy hadn’t realized he had last track of his surroundings, being startled from his thoughts by Frank snapping his fingers in front of his face. As he flinches away, he knocks his arm on the back of the chair and couldn’t bite back the yelp when the pain hit him. He glared up at the same time Frank decided he would take matters into his own hands, grabbing the collar of his shirt and hoisting to stand. Franks lips twitched into another smirk at the frustrated growl that left Billy’s lips.

“Calm it down, pretty bo-“ Frank wasn’t expecting the feral snarl and accompanying forehead smashing into his nose, or the words, dripping with venom spat at him. “ _Who’s pretty now bitch.”_

He lost his hold on Billy, stumbling back with a curse. Billy falls to the ground with a cry, jostling his injured shoulder, while simultaneously trying to scramble his way away from Frank. “God damnit Billy…” spitting blood from his mouth, he pauses at the frantic look Billy gave as he struggled to cross the floor with hands bound behind his back and what he was he suspected was a sprained ankle. “Bill, wha-“

“No.” Looking closer, Frank could see the wetness gathering in Billy’s eyes. He assumed it was just his body reacting to pain and fatigue, everyone had a breaking point. “Just- just fucking don’t.” It was the desperation in the words that really caught his attention. “I didn’t even do anything just please-“ his rambling was cut off when he cried out in pain, his body meeting the wall behind him shoulder first.

So, curious, Frank did just that. He stayed where he was, dropping to the floor to be eye level with the other while trying to remove what blood he could from his face. He couldn’t help the small satisfaction he felt seeing the man like this. He did want him to beg, but this wasn’t what he had in mind. This scenario was wrong. The Russo he remembered, the Russo he knew would never be this easy to break. He had thought that the story he was given was just that, a story Billy pulled out of his ass to stall. Which he couldn’t deny, had worked, but that didn’t seem to be the actual case. Maybe Billy had gone through a rough time since his departure. _Serves you right, two faced son of a bitch_. Still, Frank wasn’t overly moved, so he waited for more.

While Frank waited for Billy to continue, he noticed that the man seemed to be close to hyperventilating. He took in the figure across from him, heaving wetly, verging on whines, shivering legs still weakly moving as though he could press himself further into the wall behind him. His eyes seemed unfocused, boring a whole into the floor beside Franks seated form. As Frank was about to speak, Billy abruptly stopped, breathes settling, blank eyes meeting Franks, leaning as best he could against the surface behind him. At the small, teasing grin spreading across his face below wet eyes, Frank tensed, wondering why he even briefly entertained the idea of pitying him. “Come on, Frankie boy. What’re we doing here?” Frank was too sober for Billy reverting to being a flirt to get what he wanted. “Either do something or kill me. Isn’t that what you wanted before? What’s stopping you? I’m injured, can’t stop you if I wanted to.” There was a hysteric laugh hiding just under the words, and it pissed Frank off. Everything about this moment pissed him off. The way Billy seemed to be able to pull emotions from him, the way he almost fell for it, the crazed eyes that seemed to be looking through him. He growled as he lurched up and forwards, grabbing billy by the neck, who, instead of struggling, smiled even wider. The breathless chuckle was the last straw. Frank snapped, turning Billy and pushing him face first in to the wall. He noted Billy’s sudden silence, how he tensed and looked mildly confused and panicked at the same time. Watched as fury and fear took over his eyes when he heard Frank pull his knife from his belt. He could see Billy was about to say something, tauntingly he assumed, only clamp his mouth shut when Frank cut the ties digging into his wrists. Frank took advantage of his confusion, gripping the back of his neck and hauling Billy face first onto his dinner table. He missed the look of panic in Billy’s eyes, instead moving his grip to his bruised shoulder while his free hand took hold of the limp wrist, tugging hard until he felt the bones move back into place. He took it as a small win when Billy screamed. Sure, he had caught him off guard, but he doubted he would have been silent when prepared for it either. One hand stayed tightly clamped to Billy’s shoulder, a warning, while the other slowly placed Billy’s arm on the table next to him. He waited for a reaction, but Billy didn’t give him much. He was gasping against the wood beneath him, wetness was gathering by his cheek pressed to the surface from eyes he refused to open. So, Frank slipped his arm under the mans chest, lifting him to stand before shoving him back into chair he had previously occupied. He felt vaguely smug as he sat in the chair opposite Billy, watching his growing distress.

“Frank… you can’t… No!” He glared weakly. “You can’t do this. F-fucking finish this-s.” He looked desperate, and Frank could see his throat working to keep cries down. “ _End it_.” It was with that short phrase Billy began to grip his stomach, the tears falling freely as he minutely rocked in his seat. So, Frank, the emotionally stunted individual he was, did the only thing his mind could provide at the moment. He pulled the remote from his pocket, he glanced at it, glanced at Billy. Noted how his eyes had grown twice their normal size as they watched Franks hand.

“Russo.” He said the name firmly, calmly. Billy was biting his lower lip, blinking owlishly while tremors lightly shook his form once again. “Seeing as how I just fixed that, maybe you should show some fucking gratitude. I wasn’t planning on playing with this baby, but we have all night don’t we.” He chuckled when he saw Billy’s face pale, his mouth stuttering open and closed, like he wanted to speak but words wouldn’t come. The way Billy was shaking his head in just barely there movements, while his hand reflexively felt for the knife that was no longer there brought a smile to Franks lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s a short chapter update! Got a lot of studying tomorrow and wanted to make sure I got something up lol lemme know any thoughts y’all have!

As a logical man, Frank couldn’t deny he should have thought this through a little more. He wished hat logic was with him before he brought his mentally unstable, former best friend to his home. He would be the first to admit, he wasn’t the best in situations that involved a great deal of speaking. Sitting across from Billy, he pondered his choices. Did he want to have a heart to heart, try and see if they could salvage any sort of bond they once had? Not particularly. Did he want to fuck with the guy who killed his family? Obviously. Did he really want to use the remote to do it? Maybe not. Frank had seen a lot in his days, but seeing someone so scared of something so menial wasn’t something he was used to. In the end, a mixture of curiosity and irritation won out.

“Okay then.” His lip twitched upwards when he saw Billy flinch. “So, red is shock? Blue seems to be... honestly seems to be pretty close to doing what red does. Green though, I’m a little stuck on.” He could see Billy tense, almost looking prepared to bolt at any second. “You wanna let me know what it is, or do I just have to see for myself?” A deafening silence took over the room after the question. After a few minutes of watching Billy’s inner conflict, he lost his patience.

Looking back in the future, Frank will admit that no, pressing the green button instead of waiting for a response was not a good idea, and yes, maybe he should have checked to see what the dial on the side was set to before pressing it. In his defense, he didn’t expect the reaction he got, so it’s not like he intentionally meant for it to happen.

The result was slightly delayed. After he pushed it, there was a beat of silence. Billy staring wide eyed at his thumb still on the button, lips parted in an attempt to speak. The next thing Frank knew, Billy’s eyes were rolling back as a loud moan left his mouth. He curled over himself, leaning his forehead on the table in front of him, fists clenching into his own hair. Frank sat in stunned silence as the man in front of him bit back whines, shoulders tensing as he seemed to fight to stay still. “P-please… Frank t-turn-n…” The cry that left Billy’s mouth was sinful, and knocked Frank out of his trance immediately. Trying to ignore the growing discomfort in his jeans, Frank pressed the button again. He turned it in his hand, seeing the dial on the side had slid three fourths of the way up. Quickly slipping it into his pocket, Frank turned his attention back to the man in front of him. Billy had all but collapsed on the table, gasping and lightly shivering, pointedly not looking at Frank. Frank slowly took in the bright blush crossing his cheeks, the light sheen of sweat covering his skin, and couldn’t help the heat that crept up his own neck at the sight of the wrecked man.

Finally, slowly, Billy pushed himself up with shaky arms and collapsing back into his chair. He met Franks gaze with heavy lidded, glassy eyes. “You know, Frankie… last guy who got that and hit that button, ended up havin’ a pretty bad accident.” His voice was low, almost a purr, matching the sly smile growing on his lips. His breathing was evening out, and Frank was wondering how Billy planned to respond. “You know, back when they first put it in me, they had a trial run, you know?” He watched as the man rose on shaky legs, brushing his damp hair from his forehead. “I knew they’d deal some low blows, but that fucking green button man, didn’t see it coming.” He chuckled as he sauntered over to Franks seat, promptly pushing the broader mans shoulders to the back of his chair before perching himself on his thighs. He wrapped his arms around tense shoulders, threading his fingers through Franks close cropped hair. He leaned forward, nuzzling into Franks jaw, letting out a content hum. “I could take a fucking, Frank. Realistically, it’s only pain, not like we hadn’t seen that before… it was the fact they made me like it… it was one thing being a fucking killer Frank. It left that wrong feeling, knowing they had you doing things that weren’t right. Being a whore though, that was too much.” Frank met his eyes when he pulled back, seeing the anger brewing behind them. “You wanna know somethin’ Frankie?” The way he coyly tilted his head, biting his lower lip, had Franks heart skipping a beat before he placed his hands on either side of Franks face. He smiled as his hands continued down to rest on Franks chest. “After a while, Rawlins started… lending me out to other higher ups he wanted to get in the favor of. It wasn’t often, but when they fucked me and made me enjoy it, I would pretend it was you.” That snapped Frank back to attention, feeling heat gathering places it really shouldn’t. “You know, there was this little fantasy I had some nights. That you’d come back, get me the fuck out of there. Take me back to your house, with your loving family. Fix it, make me better.” He sniffled and let out another huff of a laugh. “ _But you didn’t, and I just kept getting fucked_.” Frank realized Billy’s hands had made their way down his stomach, reaching back for the knife he knew would be tucked away. There was a pregnant pause when his hands went past and made no contact with anything but cloth. He Billy sag against him with a sigh. “Fuck you, Frank.” He sounded tired, defeated. Finally, Frank moved. His arms slipped between himself and Billy, gently moving the other man back to look at him. He noticed that Billy wouldn’t meet his eyes, cheeks still heated. Glancing down, he saw Billy was hard too. So Frank did what some might regard as a bad idea.

“You uh… want some help with that, Russo?” He saw something flicker in Billy’s eyes before the man locked eyes with him. They sat in a brief moment of silence, where he could see the gears turning in Billy’s head, before a grin broke out on Billy’s face beneath quickly dampening eyes.

“Yeah Frankie, I would.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are lol

Billy never expected this to happen. He would never admit to he fantasies he would have while he and Frank were deployed. He’d never even thought of a man in that light, but it was Frank. His Frank. He didn’t even know he was capable of loving someone the way he loved Frank. He had resigned himself to just be a friend, he’d made it this long alone, he could keep it going. The most he’d ever let himself hope for was maybe a rushed hand job in a dark corner, something minute. Yet, here he was, legs wrapped around Franks hips, Frank walking them towards what he hopes is a bed. Billy can’t remember if he was ever (willingly) on the submissive side of a kiss before this. While he tried to take control, Frank squeezing his ass and grinding his hips down had Billy gasping, leaving plenty of room for Frank to take over. What had started as rough, mainly teeth, turned much more desperate as Frank lifted them from the chair Billy had him trapped on. Billy was expecting a quick fucking over the table, Frank throwing him out on his own after. Which, was better than being dead, but Billy wasn’t honestly sure he could handle that rejection at this point. Frank was tossing him on the bed and removing his own shirt, and Billy could do nothing but wait, panting and ready for whatever Frank was willing to give him. He let himself relax into the mattress beneath him, closing his eyes, enjoying the peace while he could. He couldn’t help the small voice screaming in his head that no this was a trick, Frank doesn’t fucking care. The voice was silenced when he felt Franks leg bumping his knee at the edge of the bed, a hand gripping each thigh, pushing them up and out before yanking him forward so his ass was flush against Franks crotch. When he opened his eyes, the quickly met Franks. He was expecting some sort of annoyance, anger maybe, but no. Frank, awkward fucker that he was, managed to look mildly affectionate.

He was broken from his thoughts as he felt a hand sliding his shirt up, pausing while Billy raised his arms for it to be tossed to the floor. In an instant, Frank is on him, teeth on his neck, hands sliding down his sides. Billy can’t help to moan that escapes when Frank grinds against him, his own hips stuttering to follow when he moves. The hands make quick work of his pants, and somehow he found himself splayed bare under Frank. While he should have expected the grip on his ass, Frank spreading as he tightened his grip, but he still froze. Frank, sensing the tension growing below him, lifted his eyes to meet Billy’s.

“You good?” Billy couldn’t remember the last time he’d been asked that, in any context. He could feel his eyes burning as he nodded dumbly, a strangled moan leaving this throat. Frank just watched him, but the feeling of Billy rolling his hips has him moving again, kissing below his ear before heaving himself up. The frustrated growl Billy lets out has him chuckling. “Hold your fucking horses, okay?” Billy couldn’t help but roll his eyes, only Frank would manage to be this irritating when he was minutes away from fucking. “David may be weird, but I can’t say I’m not happy for the guy getting me lube and condoms now.” At that, Billy shot a look of confusion at the standing man, who barked out a laugh before walking back towards the bed. Billy gave him a judgmental look at the sight of a strip of rainbow colored condoms, Frank pulling one off, tearing the package with his teeth. “He can be a bitch, I know. Please don’t make me think of Lieberman right now, okay?” Billy scoffed, shaking his head as he spread his legs to wrap around Franks waist.

Billy yelps when Frank flips him to his stomach, before pushing him to the center on the bed. Billy tried to push up on his arms before a hand settling between his shoulder blades stops him. Frank was behind him, pulling Billy’s hips up, putting him on his knees. The hand still on his shoulders keeps his head down, and he can’t stop the flush from covering his face and neck.

There he was, completely unclothed, ass up on a bed in front of fucking Frank Castle, who still had his pants on. Billy couldn’t help feeling mildly bitter about that last detail, but forgets when he feels the first slick finger nudging at his entrance. Instead of entering him, it circles around rubbing between his balls and hole, seemingly satisfied with the moan that comes with it. Slowly, so fucking slowly, he pushes a finger in, not stopping until he’s down to the last knuckle. Then he stops. Billy assumes he’s watching for his own reaction before he began moving it shallowly. “Frankie, come on hurry the f-fu-“ his voice stutters as a second finger pushes in next to the first one, not giving much warning. He whines as Frank pumps them in and out, changing his angle until Billy shouts, seeing stars. Frank seems to think he’s made a mistake, the movement halting. “D-don’t stop.” He might be embarrassed looking back, at the pitiful, pleading words, but he wasn’t regretting them when Frank resumed, focusing in on that area. He began pushing back to meet Frank before a hard push had him releasing onto the blanket beneath him. He bit his lip to try and stifle the cry that broke its way out as his hips stuttered agains Franks hand, squeezing on his fingers.

He doesn’t think he’s ever been fucked by a man who actually let him cum willingly. Wasn’t forcing him with the chip in his neck. He waits, gasping for air on trembling knees, for Franks next move. He was not expecting the slick sound of Frank taking a hand to his own dick, the site of Franks dark eyes watching him, a mischievous grin forming. “Well damn Russo, that was… wow.” Billy was about to say something smart before a third finger joined inside him, all three beginning to grind down on his prostate. He jolts to attention, moaning as he tries to move forwards, off the fingers assaulting his overstimulated body. He buries his face into his arms when he feels Franks other arm pull him back, holding him in place. He keens as he feels his dick twitching back to life, hips still jerking with each press of fingers. “Jesus.” He didn’t realize there were tears on his face until Frank wiped them away. It was then he realized he was hard again. He lets out a sob, it was too much. Then he was empty and letting out a disappointed whine when the fingers were abruptly pulled out.. “You still good, Billy? We need to stop?” Billy wants to feel gracious, to thank Frank for being so fucking considerate, but he wanted more.

“Frank if you don’t put your fucking dick in me ri-“ he wasn’t expecting Frank to actually listen, and startled when he felt something pushing into him, much wider than the fingers. His moth opens in a silent cry, fingers tangling in the sheets beneath him as Frank keeps moving in. The burn was intense, he could feel himself stretching to accommodate the unexpected girth and started to think he couldn’t take anymore. He was a shivering mess by the time Frank bottomed out, small needy sounds leaving him with every breath. Franks hands were on his hips, he was sure there would be bruises in the morning, but couldn’t find it in himself to care. He chances a look behind him and froze when he met Franks eyes. He could see the smirk, eyes glinting with amusement. Billy wanted to say something to try and assert some form of control over what was happening, but ended up having the breath knocked out of him when Frank pulled almost all the way out, the head tugging on his rim, before slamming back in. He bites his lip to keep his cries in as Frank continues with a brutal pace. Every thrust hit just the right spot, he was almost delirious with pleasure when he felt a hand snake its way to his throat before pulling him upright, his back pressed against Frank. The hand moved up ever so slightly to turn Billy’s head, giving Frank access to his mouth. The tongue that licks into his mouth does little to distract him from the hands that are now teasing his chest, rubbing and tugging his nipples.. He moans into Franks mouth, the feeling in his ass combined with his chest while Frank nipped at his ear ripped a second orgasm out of him. His head fell back onto Franks shoulder as he fucked him through it, almost screaming at the sensations assaulting him all at once. As he clenched around Franks member, his face is pushed back into the blankets as Frank gives a few more hard thrusts before cumming himself with a growl, hips still grinding into the sobbing man beneath him.

After pulling out, he watched Billy’s hole, fucked open and clenching very few moments as if waiting to be used again. His hand moved of its own accord, gently rubbing the red, abuses rim before lightly pushing in. The whine that earned him had him tease it in farther, chuckling when Billy tried to squirm away. “T-too much, _Frank_ …sto-op-p.” He sounded wrecked, and Frank couldn’t help but feel pleased as he pulled his finger from Billy’s ass. Finally collapsing, the slimmer man let out a heavy sigh, eyes glossy and unfocused. Frank especially liked how his face turned into the hand that went to touch his face. He touched him gently, stroking back into his hair as he heard a soft, sweet huff beneath him. He shifted them both so he could get he and Billy under the warmth of the blankets, he could deal with this in the morning.

 

 

When he woke, Billy was still out, didn’t look to be waking any time soon. He hated that he found the way the other curled into himself while sleeping oddly adorable. Hearing the soft exhales from the other man only seemed to intensify the feeling, so he promptly rose to find pants before fleeing the room and the emotions Billy seemed to tug out of him. He needed coffee. Lieberman had also supplied him with a very fancy coffee maker, which he tossed the second he saw it, going out to find the cheapest one he could. While waiting for his drink to finish, he dropped into a chair at the table, staring out the window, almost considering running before Billy woke and he had to acknowledge what had happened the previous night. He stopped that train of thought to retrieve his daily dose of caffeine, freezing when he placed the pot down, hearing creaking floorboards. He heaved out a sigh, looking up at the ceiling as if it held all the answers he needed. Shockingly, it did not.

Turning, he was met with the sight of Billy. Groggily stumbling into the room, pants pulled on, but not fastened, hanging low on his hips. Frank bit down the urge to shove him on the table and continue the previous evening. He was broken out of his thoughts when their eyes met, Billy’s becoming more alert even as he leaned on the door frame for support. The other man immediately looked away, face turning beet red. 

“So, that happened.” Frank saw no reason to beat around the bush. Billy nodded, gnawing on his bottom lip as his arms crossed over his chest. There was an awkward silence before Billy slowly shuffled forward, sitting delicately across from Frank. He still wouldn’t look at him directly. “What... um... what’s You next move?” Frank was prepared for Billy to return to his previous, murderous state, and was relived when he only shrugged, shoulders curling inwards. Seeing him like this, in the clear morning light, Frank could see the damage. His shoulder was bruised from being dislocated and forced back into its socket, bruises and cuts littered his torso (he took notice of the light bruising around his nipples, bite marks around his neck, a possessive part of him pleased with them). He had dark bags under his eyes, Frank wondered when he last slept a full night before the past evening. There was still a voice in his head telling him to finish him. He killed his family, he deserved to be ruined  and disposed of. Another voice told him he didn’t want to, Billy was forced, he had no choice. He had been suffering just as much as Frank. A third voice told him to shut up. They both had a fresh start. Use it wisely. “Stay here.” Billy flinched, looking up. Frank took in the suspicious look, the clenching of his jaw. He did the only thing he could think of to gain his trust. He took the forgotten remote from his pocket, looked at it before dropping it to the ground and crushing it, his boot sending pieces shattering across the floor. Looking back at the man sitting opposite him, he was shocked to see his face buried in his hands, trembling. He moved in front of Billy, crouching in front of his chair. He swore he could hear a soft series of “thank you”s being whispered. He reached up, pulling the hands from Billy’s face. He was faced with clenched eyes, tear stained cheeks. The other man sniffles and took a few deep breaths before finally looking at Frank, gratitude evident in his gaze. “Stay here with me. We’re done.”

After a brief moment of thick silence, Billy swallowed, hastily nodding. “Yeah, Frankie. We’re done.” He tried to return the smile Frank gave him, but only choked on a sob, falling from his seat to wrap his long limbs around Frabk, burying his face into his neck and holding on for dear life. Franks arms moved to hold him tighter to his chest. He briefly wondered how this would work. He could tell Billy wouldn’t adjust easily, his erratic moods from before most likely foreshadowing more in the future, but he figured they would deal with that when they got there. He felt the other man nuzzle into him, decided he wasn’t too upset with the nights outcome.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finals will be the death of me T_T yalls comments give me life btw

~~~~Frank was so, completely, unprepared. Yes, he did enjoy having sex regularly, that was something that he wasn’t used to happening for years. He also enjoyed the companionship, a warm body next to him when he woke. What he didn’t enjoy, was the utter instability of it all. He knew this wouldn’t be easy, but this was much more than expected. Today, for example, he had woken up to Billy wrapped around him like a fucking octopus. It was honestly a nice way to wake up, but after gently unlocking himself from Billy’s grip and moving to the kitchen, things took a weird turn. As he made coffee, he heard rustling from the bedroom. As he poured his coffee, he heard loud, rushed footsteps. And looked up to see Billy stumbling in. His eyes were bleary, still waking up, his feet uncoordinated. When his eyes landed on Frank, his breath hitched as he lunged towards him. Frank tensed for Ana attack only to be met with an arm full of Billy, clinging almost as tight as the night before.

“I th-thought you were gon-ne.” His voice was thick with emotion and Frank wasn’t sure what to do. He was mildly relieved when he felt Billy’s grip loosen, but the relief dissipated when hands gently held each side of his head, the face in front of him wet with tears. “You won’t leave me, will you F-Frankie?” His broken voice was laced with a frantic tone that made Frank nervous. Apparently his brief silence was too long, and Billy’s face twisted in anger as he shoved Frank back into the kitchen counter. “ _Fuck you Frank_. You don’t give a rats ass about me, just want an easy fuck.” He raised one hand to wipe at his eyes, before turning and stalking back into the bedroom. Frank could hear him muttering curses as he went before the door roughly slammed behind him.

Frank was left in an oddly uncomfortable silence. He just sipped his coffee, still leaning against the counter, before the door slammed open again. Billy tripped over his own feet before landing on his knees in front of Frank, looking even more distressed than before. He could see blood slowly oozing from Billy clawing the skin above where the chip was implanted. Could see how his hair was disheveled from, he assumed, being tugged in frustration.

“Please, I’m sorry. D-don’t get rid of me. I can… I can be g-good… just don’t leave me.” He weakly tugged at Franks pant leg as he choked the words out. He had a small, hopeful smile on his lips as he looked up at Frank, and it made his stomach twist uncomfortably. He was doing his best to not pity the man in front of him. Billy didn’t need pity, he needed help. His hand moved before he could stop it, lacing through Billy’s hair before moving to gently inspect the damage to his neck. Billy shivered lightly, eyes closing as his smile grew, leaning into Franks touch.

“I’m… I’m not going anywhere Billy… let’s just… let’s get cleaned up.” He noticed the dried cum on Billy’s stomach, trailing into the loose pants only barely handing on slim hips. “You want to shave?” He could see the smile briefly falter, an eye twitch.

“Sure, Frankie.” His voice came out evenly, almost monotone. Frank wanted to question his response, but Billy abruptly stood, moving towards the bathroom, before looking over his shoulder at the stunned man in the kitchen. “You coming, Frankie boy?” His voice was playful, a far cry from the flat words before. Despite noticing the sudden change, he followed into the room, pushing Billy against the wall before taking his mouth roughly. As his hands moved to grip the hips pressing into him, he pushed off the wall instead, turning the shower on, smirking at the annoyed whine that trailed after him.

“Getting clean, remember?” The look of confusion that flickered over Billy’s face was quickly replaced by his normal cocktail smirk. Moving past Frank into the growing steam. Frank, instead of joining him immediately, prepared the counter for Billy to shave. When he saw the other man exit the shower in the mirror, he couldn’t help the grin that broke out at the sight of him. He looked relaxed, calm. He went for the shower himself, missing how Billy paused, looking blankly at the counter in front of him before he began. Instead, Frank let the water relax his tense shoulders. After finally cleaning himself, he turned the water off, beginning to towel off before pausing. He was met with the sight of Billy, shaving cream on his face, pointedly not shaving. Hand raised with the razor, trembling enough that Frank knew he wouldn’t leave without a significant number of cuts on his face. He let out a sigh, slowly reaching forward and removing the razor from the other mans shaking fingers. “Let me help.” The startled look he got in response to the words was unexpected, but he was relieved when he was given access to the others face. He worked slowly, delicately turning the blank face in front on him as he needed. The dull eyes wouldn’t meet his own, and he figured he needed to finish quickly. By the time he was done, the other was lost in his own mind, staring blankly forward. He lead to other man to the bedroom, moving him under the blankets. As he was about to flee the room, a hand grabbed his wrist tightly. He groaned internally before looking at the near hysteric expression directed his way.

“Please don’t… _Frankie_ …” hearing the soft, broken words, Frank broke, sighing as he joined the frantic man under the covers. The look of pure happiness he got in return had him getting angry. How could such a proud man be brought so far down.

 


	8. Authors note, update soon!

Sorry I haven’t uploaded in ages!!! I’m having some trouble deciding how I’m moving through the plot but I am working on it! Sorry to take so long T_T


	9. New chapter preview!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So! I am so sorry lol this is taking forever but I want you to know I AM working on this and I have a preview for the upcoming installment! Should be done in the next three days (been on vacation away from my computer and writing on my phone is hard lol)

Frank reclined on the bed as Billy clung to him in his sleep, light just starting to peek through the curtains next to them. The day before was certainly an odd addition to their growing list of “incidents.” As much as he wanted to know what trauma caused that reaction to an action as mundane as shaving, he really didn’t think he could handle it. Frank wasn’t a naive mind, he’d seen the world, seen the worst of it. Somehow, this time with Billy has managed to make him even more disgusted with humanity. Made him more sure that what he’s started (much to a certain devils ire) was worth it. The people he got rid of weren’t good. They deserved everything he gave them, if not more. The more he thought of it the more fury built. Running his fingers through the sleeping mans hair, he decided he would go out that evening, keep up his work, vent his frustrations away from the other. He had heard whispers here and there of activity starting just outside Hell’s Kitchen and figured he could take care of it quickly, without any interference from unwanted vigilantes. He would be prepared, a fast (most likely bloody) in and out mission.

 

Roughly 28 hours later

 

As it turned out, Frank was not prepared.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve taken so long! Life has been nuuuuuts. Lemme know what y’all want!

 

 

 

 

New chapter

 

 

 

 

 

Not panicking. Billy was NOT panicking.

 

Except he was. Hysterically, almost.

 

Frank wasn’t home. In and of itself, not panic worthy news. Except that it had been over 21 hours, and Frank said he would only be gone 10 hours at most. So here he was, sitting in a kitchen chair he had moved 5 feet in front of the front door, waiting. His neck was tingling, he scratched at the scar.

 

As another hour passed, his mind supplied many reasons why he was in this place alone, why Frank wasn’t there with him. HE’S TIRED OF DEALING WITH YOU. YOURE TOO BROKEN, WHY WOULD HE WANT YOU? YOU SHOULDNT BE HERE ANYWAY. HE WOULD NEVER LOVE YOU LIKE YOU LOVE HIM. He shook his head, eyes clamping shut. He gripped his hair in tight fists, tugging. The voices were wrong. He began to rock back and forth, slowly. He knew what he was doing, the thoughts couldn’t stop him. He was waiting for Frank to come back. He would be home any minute now. HES NOT COMING BACK. HE SAW A CHANCE TO LEAVE AND GOT THE HELL AWAY FROM YOUR SORRY ASS. YOU REALLY THINK HES GOING TO PROTECT YOU WHEN SOMEONE COMES AND DECIDES THEY WANT A GOOD FUCK.

That’s when Billy lost it. He let out a snarl of anger, standing fast enough the chair he was seated on tumbled backwards to the floor. He didn’t need Frank. He could do this by himself. Ross was already dead. He stood over his corpse. Frank had destroyed the remote. He personally found that Good Samaritan who started the ruining of his life. He watched he life drain from his eyes, he savored every second. The others though, from his “training,” he wasn’t sure. YOUVE BEEN BAD BILLY, THE PRETTY ONES CANT BE BAD, THEYLL BE BACK TO FIX THAT. THEYLL FIND YOU, AND JUST LIKE BEFORE, FRANK WONT HELP. Billy couldn’t deny, he was definitely panicking now. Memories of the pain and humiliation he endured raced through his mind, bringing tears to his eyes. He fought back a sob as he hugged himself, trying to create some form of security. They would find him, soon, and Frank wouldn’t be there to stop them.

 

Billy startled from his thoughts as he heard the rumble of an engine outside. He shivered as he pictured what would come next and quickly fled the room. Suddenly he was a kid again, trying to get away from the man he thought he could trust. He stumbled into the bedroom making a clumsy dash to the closet. He shut the door behind him, falling to the ground and pressing himself into a back corner, trying to make himself as small as possible. He curled in on himself knees to his chest as his hands clamped over his mouth to stifle any noises that could slip out. His body began rocking minutely, eyes clenching as a new wave of tears made their way from his eyes. He needed to be quiet. The front door slammed open and he couldn’t help the whimper that escaped him at the sudden intrusion. He could hear voices, trying his best to tune them out, not wanting to hear the taunts he was sure to come. Curling in tighter, he pushed his head between his knees, arms raising against his head is a pitiful defense. He trembled as he heard his name being yelled. It wasn’t the harsh voice he expected, but when the closet doors were yanked open suddenly he still wasn’t able to hide his cry of surprise, trying to push himself farther into the wall.

 

There was a moment of silence, broken by his own words.

 

“Please d-don’t hurt me. I didn’t mean to be bad I’m sorry p-please.” He was disgusted by the pitiful words but they still fearfully, desperately, spilled from his lips. He flinched as gentle hands pulled his arms from his face, moving to run through his hair. Just like Frank would do when he was upset. He sobbed as he slowly opened his eyes and looked up, seeing Frank. His Frank. Bruised and bloody, but still his Frank. “Is this a dream?”

 

“Fuck, Billy... I’m sorry. It wasn’t... I didn’t mean to leave you alone.” Billy shivered and leant into the hand that moved to cup his cheek, thumb gently swiping tears.Hesitantly, he reached towards Frank, almost to just make sure he wasn’t imagining this. When his fingers met solid flesh, he flung himself into the other man. He let out a whine as his arms wrapped around Franks neck, legs doing their best to bring his body as close as possible. He didn’t try to stop the tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

“Uuum... Everything okay Frank?” The new voice pulled a flinch from Billy. He looked to the doorway to see an unfamiliar man with dirty blonde hair, in just as bad shape as Frank, leaned nonchalantly against the doorway of the bedroom.

 

“Clint, if you don’t get the fuck ou-“

 

“Got it! Um... I’ll just... call me so we know you’re still alive tomorrow, maybe? No, that’s fine.” The man, Clint, rammed into the doorway as he turned to leave. “Fuck me, sorry, bye, yeah.” Billy didn’t move until he heard the front door slam closed, the engine roaring to life and disappearing. He released a shaky breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

 

“Billy, look at me.” He jerked away from Frank at the words, looking pointedly to the floor as he scrambled back. A flush spread across his cheeks, embarrassment flooding his system as he thought of his behavior. He heard Frank sigh, flinched when a soft touch lifted his chin. He clenched his eyes shut. “Please... this was an accident. I didn’t mean to-“

 

“Said you wouldn’t leave me... but I was alone... you were gone... and I-“ his words cut off with a sob, eyes opening to meet Franks eyes.

 

“Hey, no... don’t-I’m sorry, this won’t happen again...” he paused when Billy gave him a skeptical look, and the next thing Billy knew Frank was pulling him forward and catching his lips with his own.

 

Billy melted into the contact, relishing the hands coaxing him closer to the other man. A content noise rumbled from his chest when Frank licked along his bottom lip, but he reluctantly pulled away, looking the other man in the eye. He didn’t know what to do. What did he need to do, he needed Frank to stay. YOU KNOW WHAT HE WANTS. THE ONLY THING ANY MAN WOULD WANT YOU FOR. The thought made his chest tighten, but he knew it was true.

 

“Fucking prove it, Frankie.” He purred the words, leaning in to nip the other mans neck, but Frank wasn’t responding. He rolled hips against the other man, letting out a light moan at the movement. He didn’t want to, but Frank would stay. His Frankie wouldn’t let the surviving men get him again. He made it enjoyable, never made Billy bleed, didn’t say horrible words. Didn’t enjoy making Billy cry while he fucked him into the rough concrete floor- Panic began to resurface when frank pushed him back.

 

“Billy what the fuck. You’re about to have a goddamn panic attack wh-“ Billy rushed forward, all teeth and desperation as he met the other mans lips. He whined when Frank gripped his shoulders and forced him back. “I’m not-you don’t need to do that, I already told you-“

 

“Please don’t lie to me.” The tremor in his voice was humiliating but he couldn’t stop it. The other man sighed, standing. Billy knew he had lost. He was going to be thrown out, he couldn’t survive any more people leaving.

 

He was shocked from his thoughts as Frank held a hand down to him, and slowly Billy grasped it in his own shaky hand. Frank pulled him up and into a tight embrace, but Billy was still weary.

 

“Let’s sleep, Billy. Please? We can talk in the morning.” Billy didn’t want to wait hours for Franks rejection, but figured he should enjoy the last gentle contact he could. He nodded dumbly, letting frank push him down on the bed before climbing in after him. Billy immediately clung to the warmth of the other, nuzzling into his chest. He relaxed into the other, hoping morning wouldn’t come, trying to make the most of the night.


End file.
